Before Alice went to Wonderland, she had to fall.

There is a saying, “When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.” What happens if your tough got going, but it just ain’t going anywhere, anymore. What do you do then?

I know better than to ask God, why cant I just be happy? Why must there always be a person in my life that is set out to destroy me. Why? I know this is His plan…there is nothing that is happening in my life right now that He doesn’t know about. I wish I knew what I was supposed to do though, where am I supposed to go from here? I wish I had a copy of my story – wouldn’t that make life so much easier? Then again, given the choice…would you really want a copy of your story? Would you want to know every detail? I know, I know – what lessons would you learn from not going through hardships, what would you learn if everything came easy?

How much pain do you have to go through until ‘giving up’ is okay?

I don’t have this blog to always write about the good times, people have hard times too…it’s all apart of the story.

Last week was one of the toughest weeks for me…it has been a build up for a long time but I finally cracked. I have always just pushed it aside, in hope that it will get better. That is just who I am. My breaking point came on a hot, Friday afternoon when I was called useless. I literally got a sharp pain in my chest as my heart broke…never in my life have I been put in a category as useless. I dedicated two years of my life on learning to do what I do, and always give it one hundred and ten percent. You couldn’t even begin to imagine what is behind this smile, what pain, what blood, sweat, and tears, all the stories behind becoming who I am today. You know what, I wouldn’t change any of it! Not one detail.

I have enjoyed every single minute on this farm, I have enjoyed the laughs, survived the tears, and made it through the pain. I can write pages and pages on how much I have learned, and how much I have done here. Is this God’s way of saying, “C’mon Ash, don’t get comfortable now, your story has a twist! It’s time for a new adventure.” I don’t know.

There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you have had enough.

I am just lucky that I have an amazing family by my side…I never have to go through anything alone, I never have to make any decisions alone. I just cant go wrong. That is where some people make the biggest mistake. I actually heard it in church today, the worst thing you can do is go through anything alone. Proverbs 4:7 – The beginning of wisdom is this: GET WISDOM. Though it cost you all you have. We should never be afraid to ASK questions, to ask for help. That is how we gain wisdom.

I am going to end on this quote that I found, it sums up what I am going through perfectly!

Never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people who are committed to misunderstanding you. 

Here is too what is to come!