What consumes your mind, controls your life.

My last post was pretty emotional. It was quiet the emotional week to be honest. I am glad that I got it all out now. I see the world through new eyes, and with a closed heart!

So, remember I told you that on this farm “challenges” come in small swells, well last week we had a tsunami of a change. We have now moved around fodscf6446rty something yearlings into stables to begin preparation for the National Yearlings sales in Cape Town next January. I must say I handled the change pretty well, still very much getting used to this “in charge” story. It’s not as easy as it looks being in charge, especially if no one sees you like that. It doesn’t help when your voice sounds like a mouse with tonsillitis, and you’re as small as a pebble amongst the boulders. It’s quite hard, but trust me this mouse can lose it too. I have lost it quite a few times already, but have learned that it doesn’t get you anywhere.

For example, I had once situation last week where I could’ve used some calming words for sure. I am not too sure of how to put this story into a political way so I will just share the point with you, the point is…I CAN catch a foal, I CAN wrestle a foal to give it a treatment, I CAN walk a yearling, I CAN hold a mare for the vet. Uh, it’s slightly frustrating being told to be careful 24/7, and being pushed to one side because a MAN can do it better. I wouldn’t do this job if I was scared? Anyways, I make the most of it by picking up a broom where I can and personally doing all of my treatments, BY MYSELF, even if the horse is crazy, I go the mile because that is the person I am.

How do you earn an authority position? I don’t know how to do this, I always thought that being the boss and making decisions was my thing…but it’s harder than it looks. Here is where it gets confusing, if you are given a position of authority and responsibility and then every time you try to earn it you get scolded for doing it wrong? Does this make any sense? This is why it’s so confusing, I am trying extremely hard to earn this position and it keeps slipping out of my fingers. Don’t give up, keep on keeping on. Yes, yes I know.

My goal this week…my goal this week is to be strong. I may be small, but I have a big heart, my Mom’s fire, and my Dad’s wisdom. I CAN do this, God would not have given me this position if He thought I couldn’t do it. That is a really encouraging thought. Plus, I must learn to stand up for my opinions. Why would you give me the authority to make a decision and then tell me it’s wrong. No, this week I am standing up for myself! And I am not going to complain about anything  … no matter how SMALL it is. No matter what is it, work, the weather, no hot water, no water at all, bad hair day, anything and everything. I will not complain about anything! Challenge accepted!

After a nice week of sleep due to no mares that felt like foaling, and a nice off weekend I am ready to kick some bum this week! No complaining, no worrying, just smiling, having a good time, being positive…it cant be that hard. I think the world thrives on negativity and anger and complaining, it’s very easy to fall into the same trap when you work with people who thrive on it. My Mom always told me that we become the people we spend our time with. Time to stand out, and realize that this is not how you want to live all the days of your life…Don’t fall into the trap, take your knife and cut yourself out, break out from that circle of negativity. Let your light shine, and keep spreading that light.

That was a whole bunch of feelings in one post. The season is almost over and with the yearlings coming I feel like we have started the season all over again. One way to keep us on our toes! Still very excited to be staying for another year. I have made my house a home, I have my cat, and my family is in the same time zone. Life is GOOD.

Until next time, spread your light this week! Go on, spread it, what are you waiting for?

Like a wild flower; she spent her days allowing herself to grow, not many knew of her struggle, but eventually all; knew of her light. – NIKKI ROWE

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